If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two
good friends to the nearest bar. Purchase and consume one or both of the two
known antidotes; Work-Isolation-Neutralization-Extractor
(WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote
repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should forward this warning to 5 friends.

If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is
controlling your life.

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life.
Until the boat sank.

The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, . . . nothing.
Only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, ” Where did you come from? How did you get here?”
She replied, ” I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.”
“Amazing, ” he says. “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.”
“Oh, this?” replies the woman. “I made the row boat out of raw material I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.”
“But-but, that’s impossible,” stutters the man. “You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?”
“Oh, that was no problem,” replies the woman. “On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.”
The guy is stunned.
“Let’s row over to my place, ” she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?”

“No, no thank you,” he says, still dazed. “Can’t take any more coconut juice.”
“It’s not coconut juice,” the woman replies, “I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?”
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, “I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet.”
No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism.
“This woman is amazing,” he muses. “What next?”

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckons for him to sit down next to her.
“Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve been out here for a really long time. You’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure you really feel like doing right now,something you’ve been longing for all these months? You know…”
She stares into his eyes.
He can’t believe what he’s hearing: “You mean–?”

He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes, “I can check my e-mail from here?”

[Thanks Matt]

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn’t go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands…

First floor

The door had a sign saying, “These men have jobs and love kids.” The women read the sign and said, “Well, that’s better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up they went.

Second floor

The sign read, “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.” “Hmmm,” said the ladies, “But, I wonder what’s further up?”

Third floor

This sign read, “These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.” “Wow,” said the women, “Very tempting.” But there was another floor, so further up they went. ”

Fourth floor

This door had a sign saying “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.” “Oh, mercy me,” they cried, “Just think what must be
awaiting us further on! ”

So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor

The sign on that door said, “This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left. “

“What would you like to do first, Kim?” asked Joe.

“I want to get weighed,” she said.

They ambled over to the weight guesser.

He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale, it read 117 pounds
and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel.

When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

“I want to get weighed,” she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went.

Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight,
and Joe lost his pound.

The couple walked around the carnival some more and again Joe
asked where to next.

“I want to get weighed,” she responded.

By this time, Joe was figuring she was kind of weird and took her
home early, dropping her off with a polite handshake.

Her room-mate, Laura, asked her about the blind date,
“So, how did it go?”

Kim responded, “Oh, Waura, it was wousy.”

A little old Japanese man jumped out of his seat in the first row and
shouted at the top of his voice, “Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!”.

Amazed that the little oriental man knew about the jazz influences in
Stevie’s varied career, the blind virtuoso went into a difficult jazz melody
for about 10 minutes.

When he finished the whole place went wild - but the little old man jumped
up again and shouted “No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord”.

Slightly annoyed, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dived straight
into a jazz improvisation with his band and really tore the place apart. The
crowd went wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumped up again. “No, no, NO. Play a Jazz chord, a jazz
chord!!”.

Well and truly pissed off that this little bloke didn’t seem to appreciate
his playing ability, Stevie said to him from the stage “OK smart ass, you
get up here and do it!”

The little old Japanese man man climbed nervously onto the stage, took hold
of the mike, faced the huge audience and started to sing….

” A jazz chord to say a ruv yoo…”